Another year, 2009 will hopefully be the year I get in the swing of blogging;)-

Well, today I slept in, I have been so exhausted after these past few months of holiday/b-day chaos, it felt so good to sleep in. I miss the old days (prechildren) when that was a daily option, if I should so choose it. Once I was up and about, I did my daily yoga, which I am finally recommitting to after some emotionally destabilizing events sent my head into a whirlwind last spring... finally healing from that, thank the goddess and a few beautiful magical friends who have carried me through with their sweet sweet love and light.

Currently, I am 8 days in on a cleanse, which I have been craving more than the desire to eat, so far this cleanse has been the easiest yet, though I am having some odd sensations that I have never experienced before. I have been trying to put it into words... I keep having these moments that feel like deja vu or nostalgia with a tinge of panic, but not frightening, it almost feels as though alongside my body physically detoxing, my emotional body is letting go of some body memories from past experiences, I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? Well anyhow, I am determined that 2009 is going to be the year that I stay in my center, stay present, continue healing, transform what needs to be transformed in my patterns, and continue to transmute the unhealthy conditioning of my childhood, so that I can be fully alive, loving and joyful for my family.

This first blog entry after a long hiatus was suppose to be short and sweet, but lots is pouring out...

This late afternoon we went to our favorite secret forest to hike. We hiked in about 3:30pm, Jay and I knew we wouldn't make it out before nightfall, but didn't mention this to the boys because they tend to get themselves all freaked out over mountains lions, bob cats, dragons, Jenny Green Teeth~you know;)- all the amazing creatures that live in their wild imaginations! On our way down the mountain we had several spectacular views of the setting sun. We sang songs to the sun as it went off to bed and shouted goodnight. As we continued our walk down the mountain we howled for the full moon to rise and like magic there it was suddenly beginning to peak over the treetops in the distance. Howling and shouting out our first hello's to the moon we began hiking into the dark dark forest ahead. As we hiked the children requested a song to help the moon rise and shine its light down on us, we thought and thought, but could not recall a single song about the moon, so I made up a song, inspired by the often used waldorf education phrase, "I see the moon and the moon see's me"...it goes like this;

ooo ooo ooo
I see the moon and the moon sees me
ooo ooo ooo
I see the moon and the moon sees me

Come shine your full moon brightness,
Come shine your light on me.
Come shine your full moon brightness,
As I walk through the trees,
As I walk through the dark trees.

ooo ooo ooo
I see the moon and the moon sees me
ooo ooo ooo
I see the moon and the moon sees me

Come shine your full moon magic, the magic that you weave,
Come shine your full moon magic, the magic I receive.
As I walk through the trees,
As I walk through the dark trees.

Jay says that once the new version of garage band is released for the mac, it will automatically record the sheet music for me, as I truly am not that musical, though I love to sing and make up little ditties for the boys... I'll post the tune once I have it computer generated:)

Well, here's hoping that I will find time to continue sharing throughout the year about our families homeschool journey and all the magic of parenting from an earth centered heart space. A blessed new years!

Singing with my children

The greatest blessing and gift of the past 6 months has been creating with my children. There have been many stories, verses and songs that have spilled forth in the moment. My children keep asking me to recall them and like most parents my brain is mush at the end of the day, soooo, this evening at dinner my son Tryndl wanted a blessing song about rainbows and though it is not much of a blessing, here is what spilled forth: sung to the tune of "blackbird, blackbird";

"Rainbow, rainbow way up in the sky,

Rainbow, rainbow your colors fly high.

Rainbow, rainbow, what do you see?

Rainbow, rainbow, you see me."

Sweet & quaint and it is their new favorite song. How precious this time is and how clear these moments are...

embracing my deep need to write again

When I write I see my shadows fall to the page illuminated. I see the darkness and its necessity and in that darkness I stumble into desperately needed moments of blinding light. When I write I see the beauty of the world through eyes shining with clarity rather than clouded by confusion. I discover the things I did not know I knew and in these discoveries I grow-I morph into who I am authentically meant to be. I unravel pieces of me from lives past, lessons unlearned unfold to resolve, words resound inside me echoing intimately from the pages of timelessness. Manifestation opens in this knowing. When I write I discover the resonance and vibrations of all that is sacred holding a space for my being to be. And in the pulse of my heart I long for continued moments of unity between me and all that is...I ache to no know that I no longer need advert my eyes from he, she, they... myself. I WILL feel whole, held, loved, valued, understood, heard and seen for who I am  under this skin.

Resistance

The most difficult aspect of waldorf inspired homeschooling, so far (aside from juggling the varied needs of 4 year old twins with the very different needs of my 7 year old!),  has been finding waldorf inspired homeschool classes or an enrichment program that is NURTURING and IS NOT NCLB compliant! The other challenge is the constant stream of resistance from Julian. He has uber high standards after his year with Miss Mia as his kindy teacher, she certainly brought magic to the classroom. I'm sure I have something do with his need to be so particular, as I'm a bit of a perfectionist! He is finally starting to honor that we are doing things differently and learning what works, whereas the first few months of homeschooling he would say things like, "that isn't the way it is done, Miss Mia did it this way"...granted he has certainly taught me a lot sharing these very particular tidbits.

Today we went to Orchard School and met Mother Earth, a fantastic storyteller and pied piper of children. Julian's grumpy disgruntled not wanting to be there attitude grew into this big brimming grin as he joyfully participated, Mother Earth had passed his scrutiny and he was completely enchanted. However, the golden question remains; why is he so resistant to the journey?? It is not just homeschooling either, this happens throughout our daily lives from mole hills to mountains and has been an element of his personality since about 3 years old. I guess I need to read up on the temperaments because I am feeling frustrated with him. Perhaps the temperaments will shed some light...we'll see.

blogging at last...

It seems that each time I search online for Waldorf/Unschooling/Homeschooling resources I find the most prolific blogs. I've often wondered how families find the spare moments in the day to sit at the computer blogging~ creating such personal inspiring threads about their lives. Needless to say I've been inspired again and again. After much to do, here is my first attempt at blogging. 

We are new homeschoolers, well 5 months new that is. My eldest son attended a waldorf inspired public charter for a year. Most of what we've done these past 5 months since deciding to homeschool is simply regain or balance, our breath, our daily rhythms that became lost in the constant shuffle as we attended "school" away from home. I hadn't realized how out of sorts we were until we had to be home together for months on end, day in and out. Wow. 

It has been wonderful regaining our presence with each other. I feel more grounded, calm and certainly less stressed. Although I certainly have low points, where I think I don't really quite know what I am doing...which isn't true. Rather, I just have these unbelievably high standards that are quite impossible to live up to! All in all these past 5 months has been transitional...de-schooling. Fortunately their have been enough moments of our opening to who we want to be as a family, clarity of our family virtues and  how we want to live in the world to keep me trusting the flow.